Man Down


Bruises? Check.
Strains? Check.
Abrasions? Check.
Landed on neck? Check. Landed on face? Right on.
Dropped steel bar on head? Check.
Displaced rib? Yup. Both sides? Yes.
Fallen into net? Of course. Fallen to mat? Pretty much. Fallen to floor?? No…oh wait.

Last night, I was on the trampoline learning to helicopter around 360 degrees. I got it and then lost it, only making it 3/4 of the way around. I came down off balance, skidded sideways, fell half on the bed half on the side mat, caught my leg and dropped over the edge four feet to the ground. If I’d been able to get my hands up, I might have been able to stop the momentum. As it was, I got my arm down only as I hit the floor, preventing a head-hitting incident that might have required me to wear an embarassing brace or helmet of some sort. Good thing I only had to deal with the embarassment of a spectacular fall and whatever yelling I did on the way down.

I can see how the fall happened. I run into doorframes on a regular basis. What I can’t sort out is my trajectory. Facing forward, I fell sideways onto the RIGHT side of the trampoline. How the hell did my LEFT leg end up stuck on the trampoline when I landed on the floor on my right elbow facing downward?? I need one of those crime scene reenactment teams. And a new knee. And possibly that helmet.

On a related note, who knew Colbert could tumble? (Well, tumble a little bit.)


Categories: News, Nuisance, Miscellany


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