Three Bugs…I Mean “Features”

  1. I have no sense of direction whatsoever. At all. Ever. Even in New York, where most of the town is arranged on a grid and where I lived for years, I have to stand for a moment on the corner when I come out of the subway and remember that the traffic on Lexington runs one way downtown which means that if I am facing with the traffic, the west side is to my…um…right. I guess. They’ve just installed sidewalk compasses around midtown to help differently abled people like me. But they’re in midtown. Where I never go. So that worked out.
  2. I have no ability to judge future weather based on current weather. If it is 70 degrees outside and I am wearing jeans and a T-shirt, if you tell me that tomorrow it will be 58 or 76 or 84, I will still get up and put on the same thing. My imagination kicks in at 20 degrees and at 90 degrees. At 20, I will put on everything I own. At 90, I will wear as few clothes as I can get away with without getting arrested. Anywhere in between, I am just as likely to turn up in a turtleneck when it’s 78 as I am a tank top when it’s 52.
  3. Despite that fact that I have made my living off the internet for a decade, I cannot find anything on the web. I go to Google. I search. I get back nothing even remotely related to what I was looking for. My first theory was that this was because search engines are stupid. I abandoned this as possibly being a gross generalization. Now I think I just don’t think in the same language patterns as other people. This will probably come as no surprise to anyone who has talked to me for more than seven minutes.
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Categories: News, Nuisance, Miscellany

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