The Next Generation

We’ve finally worked out a kiddie plan. R objected to the first name I picked, Winter, on the grounds that it was too Exeter. I made him sign an agreement that if I got a Stegner Fellowship he’d have to back down, but it seems unlikely that I’m going to win that bet, not because I lack the confidence to believe I’d get a Stegner but because I never apply for one. Which is kind of a prerequisite to getting one, as I understand the rules. Even Publishers (their lack of apostrophe, not mine) Clearing House requires that you actually enter the sweepstakes.

Anyway, when we have children, I plan to have only twins. The first set will be named Fuquan and Laquayquay (or Lahkwaykway – we haven’t decided yet). The second set will be named Herkimer and Sprankle, after two small towns in upstate New York. We haven’t been to the towns. I think that would only spoil their appeal, don’t you?

There were some other names to be had in that same region. Throop. Stark. Weeds(port). Or Weed(sport). Wampsville. That last one’s got winner written all over it, no? But it might make a better nickname than an actual full name. You know, like, “Get over here, Wamps!” Ultimately though, Herkimer and Sprankle have a great ring to them when you put them together. Especially in identical hoodies and socks.

Just to make sure you don’t think we’re being hasty, we did consider the more traditional Lysander and Conquest, nearby ‘burgs, but they just seemed…so…well, typical. I mean, who isn’t naming their kid Conquest these days? It’s getting to be like Jack or Elizabeth.

This agreement took two years to broker, so maybe by 2009 we’ll get around to sorting out actual children.