I remember with nostalgia the days when I was only four weeks sick. Back when milk was only a nickel and I walked to work uphill with no shoes in the snow. (Maybe that’s how I got sick…)
Now I’m going on six weeks sick and the suggestions are becoming more far-fetched. Last week, I was diagnosed with whooping cough. This was cool but since the guy who sits across from me is a product manager and not a doctor, I didn’t get any proof or any prescriptions, so the coolness wore off fast.
Today, the suggestion is the adeno virus which sounds terrible and deadly (which is redundant, I guess, since anything deadly has got to be pretty terrible). This is not cool but since I’m sure I don’t have that, I’m not that upset.
What I do have is an inhaler, the kind they give asthmatics. I’m going to get a chain to hang it on around my neck. Then I’m going to stop by the orthodontist’s and pick up some headgear. Now that is what I call cool, my friends.
Displaced 
Don’t forget to get a pocket protector too. and maybe some suspenders.