Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Stress on “hell” I am telling you what. This movie sucked. Here’s what:

  1. The plot and mythology were a total ripoff of just about every fantasy movie in the last ten years, from Lord of the Rings to The Mummy. And not in a good way.
  2. The character development was entirely referential, as in, “Hey, remember those movies where the hero has a drinking problem but turns out to be a good guy after all? Since you already know how that works, we don’t need to bother to go through it all again, right?”
  3. Related, the “anti-hero” is actually an adolescent pain in the ass with no redeeming characteristics…and he doesn’t develop any either.
  4. I do not understand the hoopla surrounding Guillermo del Toro. His visual vocabulary may be unique but if it’s used in service of garbage like this, it’s wasted. Keep to your directing and design, del Toro and keep your hands off the story and script.
  5. The best thing I can say about this movie is that perhaps the editing ruined it. But I doubt it.


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