36 Hours

I have to say this. I’ve been meaning to mention it. Have a seat, New York Times. No really, I think it’s time we talked. Face to face. I don’t want to keep this to myself anymore. It’s eating me up inside, so I have to tell you.

STOP F’ING PUBLISHING YOUR STUPID “36 Hours In _______” GUIDES EVERY WEEK IN THE TRAVEL SECTION. Stop it. Just stop.

It was a good idea when you started, but now it’s just gone sideways and you know it. The wheels are off the bus, the bloom is off the rose, the train’s come off the rails, the butter’s slid off the pancake. Stop lying to yourself. Mykonos, Bangkok, London, Naples, Cairo, fine. Fine. Those were good. People want to go there. People want to leave their hotels when they go there. But now? I kept my mouth shut when you pulled up with Pittsburgh, but I can’t stay quiet now that you’ve added Milwaukee to the line-up.

If you can’t think of anywhere good to go, just shut up. You’re going to make people think there’s a reason to go to Pittsburgh and there isn’t. I’ve been there. It was terrible. No offense, Pittsburgh, I’m pleased that you’re working your way back into the upswing, but you’re no Seville or Bologna or San Sebastian and you know it.

NYT, if you want to write up places like Riga, Latvia, you have to start a new column. Like, “When You’re Stuck At a Conference In _________”, or, “If Your Plane Got Re-Routed To__________”, or, “If You Have to Visit Relatives In _________.” But don’t pretend these places are worth an independent visit and a plane fare, ‘kay? Do you feel me? Are we good?