Tom Cruise crazy

First of all, as far as I’m concerned Tom Cruise is bananas.

I’m not saying he’s not a human being and doesn’t have feelings that can be hurt just like the rest of us. I am saying that the concern I have for his feelings is more like the concern I feel for the half-naked guy with the radio in his fingernail who lives on the corner of 58th and Broadway, not the concern I feel for a buddy who’s dating the wrong chick. Like concern that he might gnaw my ear off. That kind of concern.

Couple of notes on Tom. Gay. Totally gay. Don’t throw Suri up in my face. Tons of gay guys have straight families. I know he’s gay because the Irish best friend of a British friend of mine was the housekeeper for Tom and Nicole when they shot Far and Away in Ireland and there were comings and goings. ‘Nuf said. Gay. Done.

And then there’s this. Just when I figure he’s all out of crazy – the interviewing wives stuff, the couch jumping, the anti-anti-depressant thing, the Scientology sales pitch – he pulls up looking like Liberace at the Valkyrie premiere in Russia. Check it here. A rose? A turtleneck? Just get an ascot and a petting zoo and be done with it.