Turtles Found (Out)!

They found the turtles! Finally.

Apparently, no one knew where green turtles were going between the time their tiny, adorable selves scrambled into the ocean and when they came back five years later, much bigger and ready for some sexy action.

Well, now we know. They were down in the deep eating meat. That’s right. Shocking. Grass-fed beef. No, sorry – not beef: jellyfish. The, um, beef of the sea… That doesn’t sound quite right but anyway, apparently this is appalling news since we all thought they were vegetarians. So the next time you’re swimming with some turtles, remember that and don’t anger them. They know the taste of meat (well, jellyfish) and who knows when they’ll go back?