Another Opportunity Missed


Too late did I review my email and locate R’s note, pointing me in the direction of the next step for my career: the Department of Defense has been looking to fund someone capable of developing “Efficient, Highly Maneuverable Artificial Fish for Stealthy Surveillance“.

“OBJECTIVE: Design, build and test a new generation of low cost, energy efficient, silent, agile artificial fish utilizing multiple degree of freedom muscle-like actuators and shape changing body and fins.”

Submissions closed in 2008. I’m so 2000-and-late.

First of all, who doesn’t need efficient, highly maneuverable artificial fish for stealthy surveillance? I could absolutely use one of these for any of my many secret plans. Which I can’t tell you about. Because they’re secret.

I know what you’re thinking: how will my surveillance fish do if it runs up against my hearing cat in the course of a mission? Well, I’ll tell you. That one’s on me. Like any good “parent”, I’ll just have to make sure everyone has their own space where they can feel good about themselves and not overshadowed by the other “child’s” accomplishments.

I hope the winner of the contract has the foresight to develop on-land capabilities for the fish, or at least a self-propelled tank or something, so the stealthy surveillance isn’t limited to bodies of water. Because there’s not a lot at the top of my “need to know” list that’s water-based.

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Categories: News, Nuisance, Miscellany


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