Las Vegas: The Outcome

“So what happened to the 10-in-10 plan,” you’re asking, right?

The plan, for those of you who don’t remember, was to hit 10 casinos for 10 minutes each. The plan was to get into the lobby, get through the casino, catalog the highlights and get out.

“What were you thinking?” you’re asking. “That’s not possible.”

You’re right, but, for the record, here’s what I was thinking:

• I’ve been to Vegas and the place left me cold, ’cause I don’t gamble and my kitsch-appreciation ducts get clogged. (Is it really true kitsch if it cost a hundred million dollars? Isn’t that just bad taste?)
• Maybe forcing myself to hang out there was part of my problem. I’m from New York. I’ve got a need for speed. Hanging out is not my thing. Maybe if I tear through everything, I won’t want to crawl out of my skin by hour five.
• Most of the hotel/casinos are pretty similar, so wouldn’t 10 minutes and a look at the carpeting give you a pretty good read on what the place was like and if you’d ever want to stay there?
• There have gotta be other people like me who could use some guidance when they end up there.

That’s how I got the plan.

Naturally, the plan went out the window after ten minutes in the first place. You can’t get through one of these places in ten minutes. They’re too big and too confusing (all roads lead to the casino floor/labyrinth). Plus, you will definitely need to drink regularly. I don’t know if it’s the artificiality or latent tendencies towards alcoholism or just the profusion on bars, but liquor is the bride of Vegas and there’s no avoiding it.

Enter the revised plan. Cardinal Rule stays: Move as fast as possible.

• Get to the lobby.
• Get a map.
• Take a look at the carpeting + get a book of matches. (Packaging can tell you a lot about a place.)
• Canvas the events, restaurants and whatever features they want to highlight.
• Get a drink, as needed.
• Get out.

I tacked on a gambling plan – $10 per place – but that had to be axed too because I kept choosing games that cost, like, $1 but played in 10-cent increments, and that was the end of 10 minutes right there. (I won $5.50 – see photo of high roller.) I know I could’ve easily lost $10 in 2 seconds flat at a table, but my sense of personal responsibility – which I should’ve checked at the door – wouldn’t let me play games I had no idea how to play. Even in Vegas, I have a little bit of pride. I know: crazy, right?

So what follows is the result of the revised plan with a bunch of additional advice. Enjoy!