Diagnosis!

You know how I’ve been sick forever? Like, three weeks? Well, I finally know what I have!

It’s the swine flu, people. It must be.

Let’s run through the evidence:

1. I got sick.
2. I have stayed sick (forever).
3. Some of the time I have had “flu-like symptoms.”
4. I am forward-thinking (generally).
5. I like to think of myself as kind of an over-achiever (sometimes).
6. When I fill out surveys that will cause marketing companies to give me new things, I check, “I like to try new things.”
7. I saw a pig yesterday.

You see what I mean? Mystery solved, people, mystery solved.