Construction

For the last four weeks, jackhammers, white trucks, men in day-glo vests and fold-up barriers have taken over the ‘hood. Every intersection in a ten-block radius has been hit. All the corners have been torn up. The middle of the 16th Street artery has been sawed open. The side street where my cafe of choice waits for me has been blocked off completely. What the hell is going on?

Instead of asking one of the dozens of guys who are wandering around, I prefer to speculate. Landing strips for the alien pods. Limited release installation of the magnetic guidance lines for those cars they keep talking about that are guided by magnets instead of people. Deterrence of jaywalking by electrifying crosswalks. New Constant Employment Initiative in which construction workers are compensated just for showing up and whatever they do with their time is their business. (I think that one’s been in effect for a while, since this is, like, the fifth time in five years that they’ve dug up that same street.)

Upon further examination yesterday, I’ve come to the boring conclusion that all the fuss and noise has been about installing yellow rubberized ramps on all the corners so the handicapped among us (like me on a bike – really, I’m a hazard) can get onto and off of sidewalks. That’s not interesting at all. I’m going to stick with the aliens thing and I’m going to go get my night vision binoculars just in case.

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Categories: News, Nuisance, Miscellany

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