Boys vs. Girls

So, yes, it’s a girl. In late April, R and I will be having a daughter.

I didn’t realize I hadn’t published that latest bit of offspring information until I got a few emails from readers who’d picked it up from my Santa Lucia Day post. Of course, we might’ve been having a boy and just be so attached to Santa Lucia Day that we were planning on crossdressing him for the holiday. Never assume.

We found out last month and are delighted. Of course, we’d have been equally delighted if it were a boy, but I was less sure what I’d do with a boy. They do love their mothers, those boys, so I’d have been set for life, but first I’d have had to survive the rambunctious childhood and then the sweaty teen years with no first-hand advice to offer. As a woman, what specific input do you give a boy? “Don’t rape anyone”? “Share your blocks and remember that mom said sexual assault is bad”?

He would have adored me but all the practical input would have had to come from R.

I feel more confident that I’m bringing something to the table for a girl. Not that any of it will be welcome between the ages of twelve and twenty, but that’s OK: I’ll just stuff her full of everything she needs to know by the time she’s eleven and she can bond with her father (and the therapist she’ll need as a result of my overparenting) while she’s a teenager.

Or maybe I’ll draw up a handy reference book of everything I know, publish it under a pseudonym, and have someone give it to her as a gift when she’s fourteen. Then she can take the advice without feeling all crowded by her super-cool mom. That sounds easy, doesn’t it? The publishing industry is in free fall, so maybe in ten years they’ll publish anything, including my book for an audience of one.

So yeah, it’s a girl. This is going to go great, don’t you think? It’s all about having a plan.