You’re Killing Me, iCal

I just upgraded to the Lion operating system on my Air.

You’re either a.) snoring, or b.) all excited because you think I might join you later in a rousing game of D&D because I know what an operating system is.

Stop it, both of you. It’s just a thing. I upgraded. No big deal. We all do it.

I’d say the birds and the bees do it, but they don’t because they’re smart enough not to mess with a good thing and not force themselves to re-learn all their keystrokes because they want to get on iCloud already so they can see all their photos online as soon as you take them on their phones. (Which you can’t, by the way, on iCloud. #)(*#$!)

Back on track: the big deal here – and I’m preaching to a subset of a subset of, like, six people from the snoring and D&D categories but please don’t fall asleep until you’re sure you’re not one of them – is that the new calendar program is going to put me in a mental institution.

Not because it doesn’t work (which it mostly does), but because some retro-minded numbskull in Cupertino designed its header to look like one of those old desk-size paper calendars executives used in 1941 when they had one appointment a week and a bombshell of a secretary they were underpaying and schtupping between high balls. Or so Mad Men would have me believe.

The border is the electronic version of Corinthian leather, apparently. Brown definitely. Tacky? Yes, mostly. And here’s what’s making me nuts: you know those little tiny tabs of torn paper that get left behind when you tear off sheets of paper at the perforation? It #$)(*#$IY@# @#U@IY$#$IY has those. On my screen. Those little bits that I used to tug at obsessively until I could get back to a pristine edge when I worked in old-school publishing and one of those desk calendars came with my office? Yeah. Those bits are there. On my screen. All the time. And there is not one goddam thing I can do about it.

I thought Apple was my OCD buddy, my anal design friend, my snickering behind our snarky hands at the imperfect UI crowd pal. No. They’re not. Now they’re  killing me and I need a drink. And I’ll be having it alone up at the bar without my Apple buddy, so if you see me, just take a seat and let’s just not talk about this further, because it hurts me on the inside.

Categories: My Day


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4 Comments on “You’re Killing Me, iCal”

  1. mano
    March 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    AGREEEEEEEEE… Lion is the first time I thought the upgrade was not worth it. The weird scrolling, the stupid ical, the completely useless Launchpad, everything is moving more towards cutesy toy and less efficient, useful TOOL.

  2. emma
    March 10, 2012 at 8:18 am #

    I couldn’t get next to the new scrolling – turned it off. And I’m still hating on the altered “view Desktop” swipe (which only works half the time) and “view all my open windows (but not by program and not so you can actually SEE any of what’s in those windows”) change. Pogue says Mountain Lion will be better, so maybe it’ll only be a few months before things improve again…

  3. em
    March 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    You know, I could have used iCal on Lion for the next few years and never noticed a bloody thing about the paper bits, now it’s all I will see every time I view my calendar. Really, you should keep these things to yourself.

    In reading this, I find I sound/read angry, so I feel it necessary to point out that this is not an angry rant…just a fellow OC neurotic lamenting having something else to obsess about.

    • emma
      March 15, 2012 at 7:35 am #

      You’re welcome, Em! Happy to add a little something something to your day:)

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