Displaced

I’ve been in Washington since Saturday and am climbing the walls. It’s not the incessant swine flu updates, although that is providing a surreal backdrop for a visit to the nation’s capital. It’s not the weather, which has been in the 1000 range. And it’s not the politics. (Although we almost had a beat-down at a pub quiz last night.)

It’s the dreaded Travel Malaise back on the hunt. Too much hotel time + too little time alone + not enough time to write = perfect storm of wall-climbing.

The solution? Segways in the rain, baby! How can an activity that requires a helmet not be fun?

We asked about renting the Segways and doing a DIY tour (like, through the Senate floor), but they said, “No…waivers…liability…blah blah blah,” so we’re on their itinerary. What we’re counting on is that keeping upright in the rain is going to be entertainment enough, monuments (been there, seen that) be damned. Given my history of peculiar injuries, there’s a better than fair chance I’ll be the first one to go down. I’m going to see about some body armor to go with my hard hat.

Perhaps I should have been wearing a helmet all along to prevent the Malaise. Keep the brains in and the pavement out. Specifically, this helmet, don’t you think? If I had this helmet, how could everything not go my way?