Displaced

You know how I’ve been sick forever? Like, three weeks? Well, I finally know what I have!

It’s the swine flu, people. It must be.

Let’s run through the evidence:

1. I got sick.
2. I have stayed sick (forever).
3. Some of the time I have had “flu-like symptoms.”
4. I am forward-thinking (generally).
5. I like to think of myself as kind of an over-achiever (sometimes).
6. When I fill out surveys that will cause marketing companies to give me new things, I check, “I like to try new things.”
7. I saw a pig yesterday.

You see what I mean? Mystery solved, people, mystery solved.

It’s been a rough week over here on the left coast. Man. I’ve forgotten how much being sick messes with your head. I spent a couple days entertaining the possibility that I’d contracted Lyme disease. That would’ve been more in keeping with my history of bizarre illnesses – (anyone remember my two weeks with hoof-and-mouth a couple years ago? anyone?) – than a mainstream malady like the flu, but I’ve decided I probably only have the flu. *sigh* Miserable and not interesting. Stupid double whammy.

The rest of my life with joint pain aside, getting Lyme disease would have been satisfying. See, we went on a short hike this weekend and since I’m not a fan of hiking (or camping or outdoor non-urban sports in general), getting a major illness would have validated my prejudice, and that is always dysfunctionally welcome, right? Right.

Anyway, it looks like it was not to be and I just have a nasty flu. Rats.

I used to look forward to being sick. Not actually sick, but a little sick. The sick where you feel a little achey and your throat is a little sore. When you’re a little sick, you can justifiably clear your calendar but you’re not so incapacitated that you don’t enjoy watching movies in the daytime and lounging in your bathrobe.

What I forget is that “a little sick” is usually followed by “actually sick” and “actually sick” is awful.

Would you like to know what I’ve done today? Yes? Of course you would. I slept. I got up and poured soup down between the cupboard and the stove. I slept. I got up and dumped wet coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.

It’s going really well over here today.