Tomtens II

I am the Tomten Queen. I was online last night and I was Googling “tomtens.” You know, as you do. Guess what link came up first in the search results? That’s right: MINE, that’s whose. Aww yeah!! I have finally found my blog niche. I am the only one out there writing about ill-tempered Scandinavian gnomes.

So I’d like to thank all my fans who made this success possible. And I’d like to thank God. And my teammates. And, of course the tomtens for making all of this possible. And my agent. Oh no, I know I’m going to forget someone…All the people of Sweden and Norway and Denmark…and winter…and cattle…Oh my God, don’t play me off…